"From a far distance, you can hear the relived sighs of the sleep-deprived as they take their first sips of hot coffee or warm tea. Although, within that time and space, she was out of place from reality; she was very much at home in her finite universe."
He’s pleasantly sleeping on the couch
where the room is quiet, and your voice
is nowhere to be heard. He’ll wake up
feeling groggy, and in need of a piss.
Little does he know that the tiles that
leave a light chill on the soles of his
feet are touching the imprint of yours.
The ones that lead to the same
bathroom where you made your tears
feel welcomed at home. When the night
before could have been spent making
out as if it were your last night in France;
it was spent with him taking you to a spot
on this planet where no one could find you
-alone. He cursed you with a heartache.
He was not loving you enough. The way
he said your name was unromantic -unkind.
He was lazy to rejoice near the end of your
fight. He knew he was victorious. He could
still walk to the couch, and fall into a deep
sleep. And you were left there misunderstood.
With no man to shower you with chivalry, too.
You deserve better. Not a sadist, who uses
your vulnerability to create art. He belongs in
your poetry, but nothing more.
At one point,
the anatomy of a romantic affair
had left an imprint, reminiscent of
the finale of a grand novel in your
prime. But the smell of turned pages
hasn’t been around in awhile, and
the feeling of being loved & giving
love are now a pair of ghosts in your
wicked past. Versions of your past are
never ending. They come in the form
of your brewed coffee, which could never
dissolve into the magic concoction she once
made for you. Or, the fogged up windows
on a cold and quiet evening left untouched like
the others, who have given up on love, too.
Like the way she wrote your name aside hers on
your bedroom’s window; near the ending of the
three hundredth sixty five date wasn’t it? The only
day during the year, you’ll choose to sleep in. The
list continues on, but you’ll stop there because
after she left, your commitment to anything was
the first to leave right after. You must of loved her so
much. So much, that you threw yourself away.
How Dare You
Regardless of the many
challenges that might as
well be bestowed upon me
in the many days to come; I
refuse to yield. May God lend
me strength in my will to stand
on my own feet, or the weakness
of Man will heave my knees into
the ground. With or without the
shield of another, I will still not
yield. You may think you know
me, but you don’t.
In Memory of Bonnie. The Friend I’ve Always Wanted.
I’ve just finished watching the latest episode of The Vampire Diaries. For some, this series is a complete mockery, but for others like me, it’s an emotionally compelling drama. There’s more to this show than its awesome crew of vampires and the controversy that follow them everywhere. One aspect of the show, which I consider may be the primary reason as to why it is on its fifth season with a strong fan base is how much of it is invested in the value of friendship. The main cast have been friends since childhood. Throughout every season, each friend has devoted themselves selflessly for their loved ones within their group. Well, the summer after they’ve graduated high school has just ended, but their bond continues to flourish. It’s infuriatingly sweet! Unfortunately, the one character, who never deserved to die… did. Well, she didn’t expect either, but it’s in her nature to do what’s best for her best friends. Even if it meant losing her own life. This tragedy has been known to us viewers since the beginning of the fifth season, but it had been kept hidden from her friends until the last episode I’ve just watched. The truth was finally revealed, and the pain had started to take its course. Her friends mourned over her in the forest of their hometown. It’s rare for me to cry over a scene in a show; however, when her friends took turns to place down an object that symbolized the strength, love, and value they had for her, I was sobbing away. Her name was Bonnie. Damn it, Bonnie… why did you have to die? I felt like I lost a friend, too. A friend I never had. You are the kind of friend I wish I had in my life. You were like family to them, and your presence felt like home. You were their support system. Whenever they were in need of love, comfort, company, advice, or a way out of harm’s way, you were the savior. You are one of the most gracious characters in the realm of fiction. Thank you for helping me discover, which kind of friend would have a healthy impact on my life. Thank you for being you.
Just a Minor Setback… Right?!
I’m a twenty-one year old female, and I think I may be undergoing a mediocre life crisis. Why is this idea setting in stone? Well, poor sleep hygiene and diet, social withdrawal, lack of self-motivation, and other depression-like symptoms have been draining every ounce of my energy. However, despite my lack of TLC, I will definitely not completely succumb myself to this internal struggle.
If I’m not hibernating at home during odd hours in the day, I’m working. My job is actually one of the only aspects in my life that gives me the assurance that I have yet to hit rock bottom. Unfortunately, I am only preoccupied with work five to six hours in a day for only four days in a week. That leaves me with a lot of alone time, which of course has now become a nightmare. Personal time was once so precious to me. It was my way of recharging because surrounding myself around peers did the complete opposite. Nowadays, it gives my mind the opportunity to recapitulate every inadequacy, mistake, life-scarring experience, repressed thought, misconception, harmful person, and failure I’ve strung together within the course of years when I started to believe that I was beginning to know better. In summary, I’ve created a harmful universe just for myself, and I need to undo it.
As an INTJ (Introversion; Intuition; Thinking; Judgement) female, being also apart of an extension of life outside of my brain is already a challenge. For individuals like me, the only necessities we need from the outside world is personal affirmation that we’re doing something very productive with our lives, the less idealistic standards we have for ourselves have been met, and food. We can live somewhat comfortably with these three fundamental necessities. The are many more things we’ll live for, but it varies with every INTJ individual. However, there IS one portion within ourselves that we all seem to find common ground with: Our constant want, urge, and need for improvement. The realm of possibility with what we can do with our potential is infinite. In my opinion, improvement has a double-edged sword effect. Its impact can do wonders to our superiority complex. Personal achievement has a surge of emotional energy that I can only describe as euphoric. We’re not keen at the thought of embracing every fleeting emotion that comes our way, but the feeling that we just leveled up in life is what I call a safe haven. Unfortunately, for some, doldrums may occur in their lifetime because we’re doing nothing with our lives. Maybe out of laziness, or in my case, I can’t achieve goals fit for my lifestyle and temperament due to loopehole-less circumstances. When nothing is being improved in my life, it rouses my inferior function,Fi, and gnaws away at my brain.
(To be continued…)
Ease your worries, my love.
Rough shores may have set its
course nearby, but even oceans
and seas will yield with time. And
when the roars ceased to murmurs,
great tidings will present itself. Will
it hither nevermore? No. But we’ll
exist through it, and never alone.